


Not Weak

by purgatoan



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Anxiety Attacks, Dean's the best boyfriend, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-24
Updated: 2016-12-24
Packaged: 2018-09-11 14:35:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,011
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8987974
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/purgatoan/pseuds/purgatoan
Summary: You’ve never talked with your boyfriend about your anxiety but you can’t pretend that everything is fine when Dean walks on you havng an anxiety attack.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Cross-posting from Tumblr, it's an oldie!

You felt like nothing made sense. Again. Even though everything was perfectly fine, you started panicking that something was wrong, your breath quickened, like something heavy kept falling on your chest.

You had no idea what to do to make it better. Curling up into a ball, you desperately tried to calm yourself down but nothing seemed to work, even deep breaths in and out. Then tears started running down your face, making the pillow wet. Your hands clutched on the sheets tightly like they were an anchor, something you could hold on to and wait for the storm to pass.

The worst thing was that you were alone. It wasn’t late, and you were about to watch a movie but you excused yourself and told your boyfriend that you were going to take a shower. Instead, you slid under the bed sheets and tried to take your mind off all of the nerves, but soon you simply started panicking.

You were helpless, and it was the worst feeling in the world. You were a hunter for God’s sake, you fought monsters, not even flinching when they were about to attack you, and then you were shaking because your mind told your body to do so. You were out of control, and it scared the crap out of you.

Just when you thought that you were going to lie there forever, alone and terrified, you heard the bedroom door open. You barely acknowledged it, your mind still racing and running through all the worst case scenarios. You didn’t pretend that everything was okay. You were far from okay.

“Hey, what’s going on?” Dean asked, seeing that you zoned out, your face wet and puffy. When he didn’t hear the answer, he sat on the edge of the bed and leaned forward. His hands cupped your face and that forced you to look at him. “What happened?”

“N-nothing.” You forced out, sobs rocking your body. You felt so ashamed of all of it. You never let anyone see those moments when you were falling apart and the world seemed getting closer to ending.

“Then why are you crying, sweetheart?” A soft and reassuring smile appeared on his face. It was his way of letting you know that you could tell him everything, and he wouldn’t judge you.

“I… I don’t know, I’m just scared,” you admitted shyly. You honestly had no idea what to do. It wasn’t like you could explain what caused your breakdown. It just happened and you couldn’t do anything with it.

Most people were crying and panicking when something bad happened but not you. You were tough as nails when it came to hunting. You managed to survive on your own when Dean was in hell, and you never broke down when you were tortured, kidnapped or close to being killed by one of the things you hunted. What the hell was wrong with you?

He didn’t say a word, just snuggled closer and hugged you tightly, his arms snaking around your waist. You leaned into his touch and closed your eyes, trying to calm yourself down by listening to his heartbeat.

_Thump. Thump._

You took in a deep breath and released it loudly.

_Thump. Thump._

And again.

_Thump. Thump._

The sound was strangely soothing because it made you certain that he was alive and well and when you put your hands on your chest, you felt your heartbeat, now synchronised with his. You were both safe, and it wasn’t going to change soon, at least that’s what you were trying to convince yourself of. You were surprised that it seemed to work this time.

You opened your eyes and wriggled out of Dean’s embrace a bit so you could look him straight in the eyes.

“Thank you,” you said with a smile, and he leaned forward to plant a soft kiss on your forehead.

“Anytime. Why didn’t you tell me about this earlier?” He asked, his hands finding yours, your fingers automatically entwining with his.

“I’m not weak. I don’t cry…” You stuttered but Dean didn’t give you a chance to finish the speech putting a finger on your lips to silence you.

“Being afraid and crying doesn’t make you weak. You’re the strongest person I know, Y/N. No kidding,” he stated with confidence and took a deep breath before he continued. “Hell, I’m afraid, too. All the time.”

“Really?” You asked, shocked, because Dean wasn’t exactly the type to openly talk about his feelings.

“Really. I’m afraid that I’ll loose you or Sammy. That I won’t be able to protect you. That you’ll end up dead because of me,” he stated, his voice more quiet with every word he said, his eyes glassy, on the edge of tears.

“Don’t…”

“It’s okay, Y/N.” A soft smile appeared on his face. “We’re afraid because we’ve got something to loose and that’s great. I’m happy that I’ve got something I’m scared as hell to let go. It makes my life worth living.”

You didn’t have a good answer to that one, you simply couldn’t find the right words that’d show what you wanted to tell him. Instead of talking you linked your lips with Dean’s, trying to show him how much those words meant to you. You poured into the kiss all the devotion, care and love you had in your heart, his hand moving up to craddle your cheek, his body completely giving in to the kiss.

Once you pulled away to get some air, Dean brushed the hair away from your face. Then he took your hands in his, his thumbs rubbing circles on your palms.

“Promise me one thing,” he requested, his loving yet piercing gaze boring into you.

“Sure. Whatever you want,” you agreed. You weren’t scared anymore. When Dean was around, you felt like nothing was ever going to pull you apart.

“Next time you’re gonna tell me when something is wrong. Not hide somewhere and pretend it’s not. Okay?” Dean asked, the worry clear in his voice.

“I will. I promise.”


End file.
